


Time and Time Again

by Hiver_Frost_Elf



Series: We Need More Banter Fics Dammit [6]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Bullying, CC Jitters, Characters Reading Fanfiction, Characters Writing Fanfiction, Cosplay, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Crossover, Cuddling & Snuggling, Disney World & Disneyland, HR Feels, Humor, Multi, Not Canon Compliant, Older Man/Younger Man, Pizza, Reverse Banter, STAR Labs, Self-Esteem Issues, Speed Force, technically it's older man/younger men, the Multiverse Museum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-27
Updated: 2017-02-04
Packaged: 2018-09-20 04:59:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9476741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiver_Frost_Elf/pseuds/Hiver_Frost_Elf
Summary: The laws of everything don't give a damn anymore; thus, Reverse and Zoom nope Savitar, reclaim what's theirs, buy a Pizza Hut, conquer STAR Labs, enforce bedtimes, respond to comments on their fanfiction, go to Disneyworld, play the mom card, and open the Multiverse Museum.





	1. The Fandom Menaces

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WynterTwylight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WynterTwylight/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Chaos and Bloodshed (are the best solution)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7699450) by [Katkee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katkee/pseuds/Katkee). 
  * Inspired by [The Happiest Place on Earth](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9483707) by [WynterTwylight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WynterTwylight/pseuds/WynterTwylight). 
  * Inspired by [Contractual Obligation](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9228329) by [youbuggme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/youbuggme/pseuds/youbuggme). 



> Now with chapter titles inspired by the Star Wars Saga because this fic wasn't weird enough already :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note to readers from the future: this was written before Savitar's identity was revealed.

Surprise, surprise, Reverse wasn’t dead.

Neither was Zoom.

The Speed Force became a rather… tumultuous place after they met.  They spent lifetimes—the laws of everything didn’t give a damn anymore—duking it out.  Not a centimeter of flesh escaped unbruised.  They were two lions trying to kick the old man/upstart out of their territory.  Finally, the Speed Force got tired of them thinking they owned it and chucked them back to the mortal realm.

Thus, a tumbleweed of blue and red lightning crashed into an atrium.  And because the Speed Force was an asshole, this atrium belonged to Reverse’s mountainside mansion.  Zoom hunched in on himself and pouted crisscross applesauce while Reverse stretched out and dusted himself off.  His eyes narrowed and he hummed his disapproval.  His castle looked like it hadn’t been touched despite him distinctly remembering he’d given everything to Barry in his will.  The dust on the shelves and the cobwebs on the curtains would’ve sent Mr. Clean and Danny Tanner into shock.

Reverse woke up his plasma screen.  Red and blue eyes bulged on sight of a Halo-inspired monstrosity zipping the scarlet speedster across the city.

“What is that thing and why is it hurting my Barry???” hissed Zoom.

The shadow-clad speedster landed behind the couch when his yellow-clad elder backhanded him, “You wasted half of your time here on Snow; he has been the focus of my entire life!  You took his speed from him; I gave him speed to take!!  You broke his spine; I broke his soul!!!”

Barry’s next scream interrupted Reverse’s rant.  Eyelids twitched before they took off.  They scaled Savitar like a pair of Legolases would a Mûmakil.  Without breaking another sweat, they jabbed his eye sockets in sync and reclaimed Barry before he reunited with concrete.  Reverse and Zoom cradled the red-clad speedster as if the latter was their favorite teddy bear.  Reverse told Savitar before the so-called _god of speed_ gasped his last, “This is our Flash.”

“There are many Flashes like him,” Zoom continued.

“ **BUT THIS ONE IS OURS!!!** ” they snarled, adding extra punch to their outrage by vibrating their vocal cords.  Savitar flopped dead on the spot.  Barry blearily rolled his eyeballs up at his saviors.  He couldn’t form a coherent sentence, never mind identify them.  Reverse confiscated Barry’s comms and tracers before the duo sped him back to their castle.

They lowered him onto a king-sized bed as gently as two quibbling guardians could.  Its mattress molded to Barry’s broken body.  Barry used what fumes his strength recovered to struggle against Zoom unzipping the Flash suit.

“Blood is a lovely sight to see yet a horrible texture to wear,” Eobard placed his hand—a torturous pressure in Barry’s state—over the latter’s defibrillator and continued unwrapping him.  Barry shivered on contact with abandonment-chilled air.  Bloodied auburn hair barreled out of his cowl.  Barry creaked and squeaked when Zoom washed, gauzed, and blanketed him at super speed.  Reverse bound Barry’s unbroken wrist to the wrought iron headboard with anti-phasing cuffs.  Zoom fluffed up a pillow before tucking it below Barry’s neck.

He followed Reverse out to prepare dinner.  They ended up arguing about what kind of dinner they should prepare until Barry’s sobs reminded them that Savitar’s torture session and whatever other crap he’d done that day starved him, so Reverse just bought the nearest Pizza Hut before Zoom’s expedition to it would qualify as thievery.  Barry didn’t even bother changing his accounts’ passwords.  Granted, Reverse would’ve been able to guess them anyway even if he did.

Reverse wrinkled his nose at his castle smelling like herbal butter and tomato sauce, but he could always draft Zoom into cleaning it later.  Reverse adjusted the cuffs and pillows so Barry could sit up comfortably.  Zoom brushed a breadstick against Barry’s lips before leering up at Reverse, “He’s not eating.”

Reverse rolled his eyes at his useless junior before he leaned with his hands clasped behind his back so Flash would both hear and feel his words, “Don’t make this difficult.” Barry squirmed futilely until Reverse wrenched the boy’s face in place. “We can either feed you or inject you; you’ll receive nutrients either way.  Earn your preference.”

Barry’s eyes flitted between those two psychos.  Reverse presented nothing more than pessimistic anticipation while Zoom displayed maniacal paranoia.  They wouldn’t leave him alone or allow him to leave until they were satisfied.  Barry exhaled tension, willed himself to relax as much as possible, and accepted the breadstick when Zoom pushed it towards him again.

They moved on to pizza.  Barry’s hazel eyes widened upon spotting his favorite: cheese-stuffed crust and Hawaiian with extra pineapples.  Zoom puffed up with a proud smile like he should win a prize for remembering.  Reverse scoffed at this pathetic notion.  Exactly what had Barry done to deserve such a treat???

Reverse finally uncuffed Barry after Reverse and Zoom were satisfied that he’d eaten and recovered enough to leave.

“You sure you don’t want us to run you home?” Zoom asked like a parent. “It’s late, it’s harder to see traffic in the dark—”

“No!” Barry fisted his hands at his sides and one foot over the threshold. “Look, I get that Savitar was bad news, but please don’t kill anybody else.”

“Don’t do anything stupid, and we won’t have to,” retorted Reverse.

“Travel safely!” Zoom waved with a sniffle.

Barry exhaled exasperation, “I’m just going to my house!”

“You could always live here,” Reverse reminded him with a smirk. “Your presence might stop me from killing Zoom.”

“Hey, that’s righ—shut up, old man!” Zoom tried and failed to smack Reverse.  Another red and blue tumbleweed darted around the atrium.  Barry groaned.  He wiped his hand across his face, left for home, and returned with pajamas and a toothbrush and clothes for tomorrow.


	2. Attack of the Aggressive Dads™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everybody who commented on chapter one & inspired me to continue this chaos!
> 
> Thanks to RefugeeofTumblr for coining the term "aggressive dads".
> 
> Just so we're clear, the oneandonlyzoom isn't a jerk. He's actually really nice. This series wouldn't exist without him, so if you enjoyed any part of it--including this one--thank him by spamming kudos, writing lovely comments, and bookmarking and/or subscribing to all of his fics. Danke!

Barry sought out a mug of coffee and his therapist: the irreplaceable Iris West.  By some miracle, they both had a day off today, so they met up at one of STAR Labs’ outdoor alcoves.

“Why didn’t you come home last night?” Iris got straight down to business.

“Cuz my psycho nemeses threatened to kill people if I didn’t babysit them,” Barry exhaled into his coffee.

Iris stared at him for a moment with a dangerously contemplative smile.  Eventually, she shrugged, “Well, as long as you’re not vigilante-ing all night long.”

“He’s doing what now???”

Barry crashed out of his seat when Reverse and his friendly neighborhood intern HUNTER ZOLOMON zipped up to them.  Reverse was wearing Harrison’s face while Hunter was toting a clipboard.

“What the hell are you doing here!?” Barry exclaimed, racing to stand.

Reverse radiated disappointed poise, “We were colabbing Atomic Piper fanfiction when we read your emails and realized you’re ruining my company.”

“It’s not your company anymore,” Barry felt smart for reminding him. “You gave it to me, remember?”

“Which was a stupidass decision, so I’ve elected to ignore it,” Reverse retorted.

Barry would’ve been outraged that Reverse dared to use _Avengers_ against a legit good guy if Iris hadn’t beamed, “You write fanfiction?  What site do you post on and what are your pseuds???”

“AO3, Reverse_Flashpoint_Crisis,” Reverse patted sulking Zolomon.

“....I wanted to be [theoneandonlyzoom](http://archiveofourown.org/users/theoneandonlyzoom), but some jerk stole it; so I have to be Sonic_Zoom instead,” Zolomon whimpered with snot dribbling down his nose.  He cursed at sky, “I will find you, imposter! **There’s only one Zoom in the multiverse, and that’s me!!!** ”

Barry facepalmed as the older psycho speedster comforted his junior.  Iris subscribed to both of them.  Barry’s nemeses toddled off to their meeting with HR after Hunter sufficiently recovered.

Midnight passed, and Flash was in the middle of failing to thwart a Rogues heist when an alarm beeped annoyingly from his thunderbolt chest insignia.  Flash glared at Piper, who shook his head until Reverse and Zoom darted in.

“ **Bedtime,** ” stated Reverse as he hoisted Flash over his shoulders.

The Rogues began snickering when Flash blushed redder than his suit—that cowl didn’t hide anything at all—and protested, “ **It’s only 1:45!** ”

“ **Even speedsters need to sleep,** ” Reverse tightened his grip on wriggling Flash while flicking his head between the Rogues and Zoom.

All Rogues took a step back when Zoom chirped, “ **Kill!!!** ”

“ **No,** ” said Reverse.

“ **Maim!** ”

“ **No.** ”

“ **....Capture?** ” Zoom tentatively asked in a you-never-let-me-have-any-fun tone.

“ **Sic ‘em,** ” smirked Reverse.  Zoom cackled like a madman and chased after them while Reverse sped Flash back to their mansion and cuffed him to the bed.  Zoom returned and purred while he snuggled with Teddy Barry.  Reverse stole the covers.  What was Barry’s life anymore???  Thus, they remained until morning.


	3. Revenge of the One and Only Zoom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not that ANYBODY--myself included--has taken this fic seriously so far, but theoneandonlyzoom is not an infidel who defiles precious babies. Hunter is just a giant toddler and a sore loser.
> 
> I have no shame. Sorry not sorry. In my defense, the comments featured in this chapter are comments I've legit received (the first one* out loud & the second** in writing). Plus, none of y'all have been offended by how crazy this fic's been so far, so really, it's your fault for enabling this nonsense :) :D :)
> 
> *the first sentence after the quote anyway. I made up everything after that.
> 
> **quotes derived from multiple fics.

Hi, Reverse_Flashpoint_Crisis!   Post   Log Out

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My Inbox (5 Comments, 2 Unread)

 

Southwest on [Windows Let You See Sunshine](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8258954/chapters/18922709)

_Mick’s exponentially agitated breath became a fog machine as he holstered his pistol, marched across the cabin, and crouched, “Let’s get you outta here, yeah?”_

This line REALLY drew me in!  And it’s about time somebody else features Len loving _Frozen_.  Everybody else assumes he hates it.  It’s like nobody knows him at all ;D

 

Reverse_Flashpoint_Crisis’s Reply

Sonic_Zoom would’ve started with that line until I recommended describing the setting first.

Cold’s (in hindsight transparent) closet appreciation for Disney surprised me as well… as much as anything can surprise me at any rate.

 

My Inbox (5 Comments, 1 Unread)

 

Reverse typed a reply at super speed before he closed his laptop delicately and slowly to delay the inevitable.  It snapped shut mere moments before Zoom zipped into the room squealing about how Iris read, kudosed, and commented on their absurd AU.  Showing Barry STAR Blazers yielded mixed results.  On the one hand, he was impressed at their ability to do things that don’t involve harming real people.  On the other hand, “....How many alternate revenge plans did you come up with???”

Barry still hadn’t stopped looking at Reverse funny ever since the latter winked, “What makes you think this was an alternate plan???  You’re not the only speedster who can wreak havoc on the timeline, Mr. Morgan-Wells.”

Zoom chucked his tablet into the wall.

Barry swallowed a bite of banana-flavored STAR Bar and gingerly poked in from the kitchen, “Huney, are you okay?”

“ **The infidel has defiled my precious babies!!!** ” Zoom howled while pounding the shards into smithereens.

Like a master Mythbuster, Zoom rejected reality and substituted his own: _this was epic. Very poetic. Beautifully descriptive._

Barry interrupted his rant by tentatively tapping Zoom’s shoulder.  Barry tilted his head coyishly downward while looking up at him through his eyelashes and forming a heart with his fingers, “Hey… you may not be theoneandonlyzoom on AO3, but you’re the one and only Zoom in my heart.”

Zoom stifled a smile as effectively as a giggling child.  He vacuumed Barry into his embrace and rumbled in his ear, “I’m also the only one who gets to keep you.”

“Ahem!” coughed Reverse.

“Most of the time.”

“Ahem,” one of Reverse’s stolen eyebrows raced up to his forehead.

“50-50. It’s my fifty now,” Zoom swooped Barry into his arm’s bridal-style and sped away with laughter trailing behind him, “Catch me if you can, old man!”

Reverse rolled his eyes and prowled into the bedroom at normal speed.  As expected, Zoom’s impatience manifested in the youngsters long divested of clothes.  Zoom finally paused and looked over his shoulder when Reverse pulled the door shut.

Reverse trapped Zoom against the bed and dove into a kiss.  Zoom dueled with all his might, yet ultimately burned himself out enough for Reverse to claim victory… and few other prizes.  Barry's eyes bloated.

“For the record,” Reverse released Zoom from the kiss yet not a bruising hold around his neck.  Zoom’s choked vision framed Reverse in sparkles, “neither you nor Barry own anybody; I own you.” Reverse hauled Zoom over his lap and flickered his gaze back at Barry, who'd settled in with hands pillowing his head to enjoy the show.  Reverse kneaded Zoom's ass when the latter finally stilled, "You need to be punished for breaking your toy," Smack! "throwing another temper tantrum," Smack!! "and disrespecting me once again." Smack!!!


	4. A Last Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for how awful this chapter is, but if the best reply I had to what Cisco says is "perhaps he did", I'd wanna hide in a blanket burrito and avoid Cisco for a solid month.
> 
> I am beyond done with how Team Flash has been treating HR. They've picked on his culture since day one (which you should absolutely never do because in the time it takes you to figure out one thing "wrong" with another culture, your visitor has figured out five things "wrong" with yours), and then Cisco says what he says. Cisco's funny and nice when he's being funny and nice, but right now, he's being a jerk! So if my next five or so fics feature an inexplicable amount of Cisco hate, this is why.
> 
> Special thanks to Katkee for directing me to a website which helped me find that goddamn quote!
> 
> WynterTwylight is responsible for Eo's obsession with Test Track and why they opt for therapy at Disneyworld... not that anybody needs an excuse to go to Disneyworld. I will say though that the trip sets up the next chapter.
> 
> On the bright side, Hunter managed to get through this entire chapter without insulting theoneandonlyzoom once :D :D :D :D

And now Iris and HR—excuse me, Southwest and HW19—were in on it, too!  Half of the Flash Museum meetings devolved into brainstorming sessions for their fanfics.  STAR Blazers was becoming increasingly incomprehensible, AO3 was gonna explode any minute now, and the Rogues were on hiatus because Mick took his beta-reading duties seriously.  Len hadn’t stopped crying after reading JWYM, Hartley hadn’t stopped crying after reading BaBW, and Shawna lived in her newly-fashioned Nightwing costume.  The only Rogue who was in any place to heist was Lisa, and even she fucked that shit whenever the next installment pinged onto her phone.  Somebody needed to put a stop this nonsense, and Barry knew just the guy who could.

Except there was no way Barry’s psycho boyfriends would permit an unsupervised trip to Earth3.  They still cuffed him to their bed at night for crying out loud!  Luckily, Cisco saved the day, “You sure your buddy Randolf back home didn't just solve that cryptogram to get rid of you?"

Barry escaped exhaling, “Finally!”

What Barry skipped out on was his psycho boyfriends darting around STAR Labs looking for HR only to find him sobbing inside a patchy, barely enough to wrap around him blanket burrito.

“ **Kill!!!** ” Zoom hissed when the duo watched the disaster unfold over security footage because HR was too much of a mess to form a coherent sentence without bawling all over again.

“No,” Reverse wasn’t happy either.  True, he and Zoom orphaned Barry and manipulated Team Flash for months, but they committed these atrocities cordially.  This whole Single Flash Seeks Good Wells plan was a dumbass idea to begin with.  You can’t run background checks across the multiverse.  They could’ve invited a serial killer, a rapist, a pedophile, or a pedophilic raping serial killer.  But since HR was none of these of things, what the fuck was Ramon’s problem???

“ **Maim!!!** ”

“....No.”

“Disneyworld!!!”

HR couldn’t define shapes with how blurry tears made his vision.  He looked between his buddies with confusion.  Earth19 was lucky to have a Disneyland.  Reverse typed some coordinates into their portal generator because this Earth’s Disneyworld didn’t even have a Test Track, and what was the point of building a Disneyworld without a Test Track??? Barbarians!

Earth3 Trickster cackled in a doorway until yellow lightning tied him against a column.  Jay Garrick saluted his pleasant surprise at Barry’s visit, then chuckled when Barry begged, “ **My nemeses, my Rogues, my siblings, and my teammates are obsessed with fanfiction!  Please _please_ PLEASE talk to them!!!** ”

Jay smirked and opened AO3 on his Ciscoed, multiversal phone, “ **You mean this fanfiction???** ”

“ **....Et tu, Flash!?** ” Barry hissed and furiously fled when he saw that AllentheJay had bookmarked the series.


	5. STAR Blazers Strike Back

“Francisco Ramon Allen,” Cisco was obliviously sipping a cherry Icee when a woman whose hair was as red as his drink snatched it out of his grubby hands and clinked it onto the nearest desk.  Her voice lulled listeners like she was singing, but her words contained a greater threat than Reverse ever posed, “I realize I am not your mother in this universe, and I also realize your mother failed you on multiple—if not all—occasions; but if I _ever_ hear of you treating anybody like they’re less than human, I will not be happy.  And when _I’m_ not happy, _nobody’s_ happy.  Do I make myself clear?”

Cisco shrunk against the wall and squeaked out a nod, “Yes, ma’am!”

Meanwhile, sibling bonding time at Jitters became sibling discuss STAR Blazers time.  Wally and Iris spoke in code because Eo and Hunter were still at Disneyworld with HR, so his nemeses-with-benefits hadn’t tied Barry down kicking and snarling because that was the only way he’d interact with it.

Even IndianaDesmond kudosed it!  Barry’s life ended after Julian began calling him Mr. Morgan-Wells on purpose after Barry had exploded at Captain Singh for calling him that on accident.

There was no escape!!!  STAR Blazers molested every facet of Barry’s life: including his once holy caffeine haven!

So when a raccoon-beanied bird of a boy skipped up to their table while Iris and Wally were ordering round two and in the bathroom, respectively, Barry snapped at this cosplayer for requesting his signature, “Who put you up to this? Because trust me, kid, whatever they’re paying you isn’t worth it!”

“Nobody put me up to this,” he curled in on his cyan messenger bag. “I want your signature cuz Eo and Hunter said you’re nice and a hero like me.”

“So you mean to tell me,” Barry began counting off, “you became best friends with the goddamn Batman, traveled to an alternate universe where our doppelgänger knits, have the most convoluted family tree in history, and opened a shoelace museum/raccoon sanctuary???”

Iris and Wally returned to a younger, crestfallen version of their foster brother.  Iris didn’t become a reporter without developing acute observational skills, and Wally processed everything at super speed now, so they recognized him immediately.  Wally shielded him with a hug, “Holy poop; you’re real!”

“Don’t cry, baby.  Barry’s a stick-in-the-mud, but on a scale of homework to Disneyworld, you’re a bag of cheese doodles!” Iris scowled at Barry while rubbing what part of Solnishko’s back Wally didn’t cover. “Bartholomew Henry Allen, how the heck did you make Solnishko cry!?”

“It’s not him, you doofuses.  Jesus! This is all just one of Eo’s messing-with-my-head pranks—a really dumb one, too,” Barry didn’t back down until he saw his mother’s counterpart looming by the door with her arms folded and her foot tapping to the beat of ‘The Imperial March’.

Barry made Solnishko cry.

....Barry was gonna die!!!

Barry and Cisco spent the rest of their day off drafted into Nora Allen’s remedial course on manners and hospitality, the Rogues Gallery plus Iris and Wally spent the rest of their day off pampering Solnishko to hell and back, and Eo and Hunter spent the rest of their day off soothing HR with the pleasures of Epcot and the thrills of Test Track.


	6. Return of theoneandonlyzoom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should probably gift this fic to theoneandonlyzoom as an apology for Zoom repeatedly abusing his name; however, I've already gifted a fic to him recently, and I'm pretty sure it's safe to say he likes that fic better ;)
> 
> So I'm gifting this fic to WynterTwylight instead because not only has she commented on all subsequent chapters, she also commented on WYLSS, inspired the inclusion of Disneyworld and Icees, gave me a cosplay idea for this chapter, and endured all this meta nonsense like a boss.
> 
> Thank you all for sticking with this multiversal rollercoaster. I hope to hear from y'all on my other fics, but I don't mind if you avoid me like Barry avoids fanfiction as long as you enjoyed this fic. As one of my gym teachers used to say, "Stay safe, stay healthy, and stay happy!"

Iris tugged a spectacled man cosplaying Rapunzel and Maleficent—horns, cloak, pink dress, frying pan earrings—over to Zoom, who was manning the gift shop cash register.  She introduced these doppelgängers to each other.  Apparently, civilian Hunter Zolomon had just gotten back from his own trip to Disneyworld.  The cosplayer presented Zoom a white frosting cake with cyan icing letters _Sorry I stole your pseud_.

“....” Zoom twitched and broke. “ **You’re the infidel!?!** ”

Theoneandonlyzoom made guns out of his hands, winked, and grinned without an ounce of fear.  Between the cake and his doppelgänger’s sexy black leather, the latter would taste better to his tongue.  It definitely tasted better to his eyes. Yummy!

Zoom would’ve speedster-stabbed Hunter in a blind rage if Reverse hadn’t stopped shelving trinkets to give Zoom _a look_.  Zoom looked down at the cake, up at his doppelgänger, and stubbornly pouted in awe of Hunter’s theatricality, “Fine, you are worthy.”

A throng of schoolchildren arrived an hour later to enjoy the Multiverse Museum.  HR enamored everyone with tales of action, intrigue, suspense, knitting, and plushies!  The tour ended in the Speedster Wing.  Statues of both Quicks, all four Impulses, all five Flashes, der Mann in Lila, Blitz, Reverse, and Zoom stood like knights along the wall.

The Ciscogram was a hit with teachers and students alike with a flawless delivery of its “yay, science!” speech.  Hot chocolate was devoured faster than Caitlin and Julian could pour it.  The gift shop sold out of Beast Boy green stuffed animals.  Other purchases included kiddie-sized Cold parkas, Miss Kitka and Superdog keychains, bauble beanies and matching glittens courtesy of Yarn Earth Barry.

Zoom scrutinized theoneandonlyzoom when the latter’s acquisitions included a Zoom Funko Pop.  Theoneandonlyzoom waggled his eyebrows, “I’d rather bring you home, but sadly, handsome, you’re not for sale.” Theoneandonlyzoom’s cloak flourished behind him at his departure after a bow. “Perhaps next time.”

Zoom twitched and broke again.  Reverse and Barry guided him onto a cot in the medical wing so his brain could reboot in peace.

Once the last of the crowd filed out, the VIP guests ambled in: visitors from STAR Earth, TESS Earth, [Yarn Earth](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8272387/chapters/18951427), [Legendary Earth](http://archiveofourown.org/series/666443), and recently renamed Jay Earth and Joseph Earth.  They got together over multiversal Skype and brainstormed legit names because this whole name-by-numbers business would become vague and confusing speedster quick due to shenanigans.  Plus, from everyone’s perspective, _their_ Earth was Earth 1 while all subsequent Earths were 2, 3, 4, etc.  This one became AO3 Earth—much to Barry’s chagrin—in honor of everyone’s fanfiction addiction.

The Lens were complaining about their Lisas dating the Ramons when one of the Ciscos paused passing them to call out, “Yo, other mes, I’m like majorly vibing over here!”

The other two Ciscos dropped their Icees after getting slammed with Eobard Thawne, Damien Darhk, and Malcolm Merlyn trying to coerce that universe’s Len over to their side with a cocktail of torture.  The Vibes only worsened when a Mick stepped in to steady them.  Now they were hearing jibes and insults from all sides along with lifetimes’ worth of flashbacks to brainwashed induced bounty hunting.  And then Hermey and Solnishko came over and ignited some Vibes of a future where they danced themselves, a redhead, and Len out of his captor’s clutches.

....What???

“Was this redhead wearing a gaudy green bowtie and music note buttons on a purple trenchcoat?” asked Reverse.  His time in the Speed Force gave him the inside scoop on more than just the happiest place in the multiverse.

“Uh... yeah,” answered one of the Ciscos. “Who he is?”

“ _THE MUSIC MEISTERRRRRR_ —oh fuck!” Reverse clamped his hand over his mouth when he realized he’d begun singing.

“ _Bullies used to pick on me because I sang in choir_ , yada yada yada—ain’t nobody got time for that; we need to rescue Len from the Legion of Doom and Mick from the Legends of Tomorrow!” the redhead himself flurried in through a portal similar to one produced by the Ciscos.  He was already on his way to introduce himself to the Justice League anyway, so he figured he’d sing two songs with one tune.  He was all-seeing, not all-powerful; there was only one of him against a multitude of universes.  Music Meister was man enough to admit when he needed help.

“I volunteer as tribute!” Hermey and Solnishko raised their hands, jinxing each other.  Legendary Mick and STAR Mick let them go after Music Meister proved that no one could resist his hypnotic patter.

Pirate-garbed Sara blessed their journey, “Go show ‘em how REAL Legends of Tomorrow treat their teammates!”

“Wait,” the boy wondered, “what am I supposed to do???”

Hex approached him and handed him a sleek and shiny badge, “I hereby deputize Solnishko Rory Morgan-Wells as an honorary Legend for this mission.”

“Great!” Music Meister clapped his hands firmly and whisked the duo away. “ _[Let’s go-oh-oh!](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10429233/chapters/23028594)_ ”

The End!!!

_[I’m the Music Meister!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_q1SdaWLlw) _

_Ne’er-do-wells need ne’er rehearse!_

_I’m the Music Meister!_

_Fear not, I guard the multiverse!_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for taking time to read this :3 enjoy what you do here and everywhere!


End file.
